ModalityJune 2026
Post 4 of 8
Internal Family Systems Therapy: Why “One Part of Me Wants This, and Another Part Wants That” Is More Than a Figure of Speech
IFS isn’t just a metaphor — it’s one of the most powerful frameworks in modern therapy. Here’s what it actually involves, and who tends to benefit most.
Most people have said something like it: “Part of me wants to quit, but another part is terrified to.” “I keep self-sabotaging even though I know better.” “I don’t know why I react that way — it doesn’t even feel like me.” These aren’t just turns of phrase. According to Internal Family Systems therapy, they’re accurate descriptions of how the mind actually works.
The Core Idea Behind IFS
IFS was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, originally as a framework for family therapy that he gradually recognized applied just as powerfully to the individual psyche. The model holds that the mind is naturally made up of multiple sub-personalities, or “parts” — and that psychological suffering usually comes from these parts getting stuck in extreme, protective roles that made sense at one point but now get in the way.
There are two main types of parts in the IFS model. Managers try to maintain control — they’re the inner critics, the perfectionists, the people-pleasers, the workaholics. Firefighters react when something painful gets activated — they’re the parts that reach for a drink, pick a fight, zone out, or dissociate. Both types of protective parts are working hard to keep you from feeling the pain held by a third category: the Exiles, wounded younger parts that carry old burdens of shame, fear, or grief.
Underneath all the parts is the Self — a stable, wise, compassionate core that every person has, regardless of how buried it might feel. The work of IFS is to help you access that Self-energy and use it to heal your parts rather than be run by them.
What an IFS Session Actually Feels Like
IFS sessions aren’t necessarily about deep trance states or dramatic emotional releases (though emotions do come up). More often, it’s a thoughtful, curious internal inquiry. You might notice a feeling of tightness in your chest and, rather than analyzing it, turn toward it with curiosity: what is that part trying to protect you from? What does it need? How long has it been carrying this?
It can feel strange at first — especially if you’re someone who prefers concrete, action-oriented strategies. But most people find that the model clicks quickly because it matches their actual lived experience. They really do have an inner critic. They really do have a part that shuts down when things get hard. Naming them and working with them directly tends to create shifts that talking about them never quite does.
Who Tends to Benefit from IFS
- People with complex trauma or developmental wounds — IFS is particularly good at addressing deep-seated shame without re-traumatizing
- People who feel stuck in recurring patterns they can see clearly but can’t seem to change
- People who struggle with their inner critic and want more than just reframing techniques
- People who feel disconnected from themselves — like they’re going through the motions or don’t know who they “really” are
- People who want to understand why they do what they do, not just manage symptoms
IFS in My Practice
I use IFS as a primary foundation and integrate it with other modalities — EFT, somatic work, CBT tools — depending on what each client needs. The model is flexible enough to work alongside almost anything, which is one of the reasons I return to it so often. It’s particularly powerful for the intersection of individual work and relational work: understanding your parts gives you a whole new vocabulary for understanding conflict with partners, family members, or colleagues.
“The goal isn’t to get rid of any part of you. It’s to get to know them — understand what they’re trying to do for you — and begin to heal the old wounds they’ve been carrying.”
Curious whether IFS might be useful for you? Book a free call and we can talk through what you’re working on.
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